How to Win a Game of Conkers

Autumn is in full swing, but what would autumn be without the humble horse chestnut tree and its famous seed? No matter how much you’ve aged, seeing a chestnut lying amongst the red and orange leaves on the ground will always take you back to the playground with memories of playing conkers, and the joy of taking a win or two from a friend.

Like all childhood games, there were plenty of old wives’ tales about what made a good conker and how you should treat your weapon. But how much of it was a myth? Should you soak your seed in vinegar? Should you bake it first? We take a look at how best to win a game of conkers.

What Is a Game of Conkers?

Sometimes called ‘kingers’ in other parts of the world, a game of conkers is serious business. It could be the difference between playground stardom and a lifetime of lunchtime mockery. But what exactly is conkers?

Simply put, a game of conkers involves players attaching a horse chestnut seed to a piece of string and then smashing their opponent’s seed as hard as possible. A game of conkers goes on until one (and sometimes both) of the two conkers is completely destroyed.

How to Choose the Perfect Conker

Given the sheer amount of conkers available on your everyday walk, what makes a good conker? There are a few things to look out for when sifting through your options. Namely, you want a conker that’s uncracked, firm and as symmetrical as possible. Then, it’s time to run some tests at home.

The good news is the only test equipment you’ll need is a bowl and some water. Some conkers float, and some don’t – and there’s a reason for that. When placed in water, all conkers with damage inside them will float. This is due to their lack of density. If you want a winner, choose the conkers that sink to the bottom, as they’ll be the sturdiest.

How to Treat Your Conker

Now, here come the cheat tips, and there are plenty of them. The most common advice you’ll hear is to soak your conker in vinegar if you want to win. If you’re going to do so, it’s best to do so when the vinegar is boiling. Alternatively, boiling it in salt water would also have a similar firming effect. Once it’s been boiled for a couple of minutes, put your conker in a very hot oven (around 250°C) almost immediately for a minute and a half — and no more than that.

If you’re committed to being a conker champ and can plan ahead for next year, leaving your conker in a dark cupboard for the next 12 months will give you a big advantage — it will dry your weapon out and have a real firming effect.

But if you’re really committed to winning, double World Conker Champion Charlie Bray suggests passing your conker through a pig! Seriously, the pig’s stomach juices are the ideal firming agent. Then, it’s simply a case of searching through the pig’s mess to find your conker.

Whatever your treatment method, all you need to do to finish the job is give your conker a hole through the middle, usually with a low power setting on an electric drill or just by using a bradawl or screwdriver. Then, just thread a strong piece of string about 25cm long through the hole.

The Rules of Conkers

Now you’re ready to play. The rules are simple enough, so here they are broken down;

• Players take turns at hitting their opponent’s conker
• The conker being hit is held at the height your opponent chooses and is held perfectly still
• If a player misses, they are allowed up to two further goes
• If the strings tangle, the first player to call “strings” gets an extra shot
• If a player hits a conker that completes a whole circle after being hit (known as ‘Round the World’), the player gets another go
• If a player drops their conker or it is knocked out of their hand, the opponent can shout “stamps” and jump on it; but should its owner first shout “no stamps”, then the conker is saved
• The game continues until one or both of the conkers are completely destroyed

A winning conker is also assigned a score based on its history of wins and the history of victories of the defeated conker. For example, in a contest between two new conkers, the winner would be given a score of one, otherwise known as a ‘one-er’. It would become a three-er if it beat another couple of first-time conkers, giving it three wins.

But big scores (and reputations) can be made by beating successful conkers, as your weapon steals the score tally of the defeated conker — if your three-er beats a five-time winner (a five-er), it will become a nine-er. That’s your original score of three, an extra one for winning the latest competition, and a score of five from the defeated conker. It’s how legends are made.

Techniques for Playing Conkers

When playing conkers, players use many methods to win and even become champions. And our main tip would be that listening to science is best. On a conker, the hardest part is the paler ring on top. The best way to win at conkers is to hit your opponent’s weaker middle brown shell area with your stronger, paler ring. We’d suggest you practice with some of your duds and perfect the technique. Then, it’s just the case of finding your stance and your swing.

Now you’re ready to become a conkers champion!

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Header image: Conker by Kevin Doncaster is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 DEED.